Pondering a series of changes in my thinking this past year. Several people have insinuated that perhaps I’m going through a mid-life crisis – that time of life that exemplifies digging deeper into your life experiences & re-evaluating life thus far.
The stigma of a mid-life crisis was bugging the shit out of me. Demeaning in so many ways and inferring a typical, “this too shall pass,” as if what I’m experiencing is some shallow and irrelevant moment.
I’m turning 50 in a couple of week and this past year has represented a culmination of changes and circumstances that begged for true consideration and reflection. I feel no shame for wanting to truly consider my life to this point. Re-evaluate choices made and understand that I have the power to cultivate one hell of a second half.
This isn’t me saying my life has been filled with regrets. This is me saying that I made choices based off what I knew, who I was and how I felt in the moment. I fell in love. I risked my heart on a young man that I hadn’t known for very long. We got engaged and married in a relatively short period of time and in our inexperience and desire to be together, we created three beautiful children. It’s been 25 years of highs and lows that were made worthwhile, because ultimately, we fought for what we wanted in one another.
I was selfless and selfish time and time again. I can look back on the young woman that I was, who often felt fear, insecurity and an alarming lack of compassion for herself and know that I can do better by her now. I see and understand my own value now. I truly love the woman I see in my reflection now. I feel like I got a second chance with her. Time to get things right.
At 50, I am more loving, more compassionate and more forgiving than I could have ever imagined. I am more insightful, more intuitive and more open to possibility and in turn my relationships feel richer and deeply meaningful now. I look at my life and recognize that life, now, is just more. So much more.
This time is my life is a Mid-Life Clarity. The muddy waters are gone. I’m not saying I have all the answers but I do have clarity in my life on what my priorities are and what I want for myself going forward. The impact I would like to make. Change I would like to effect. Love that I want to encourage & cultivate. A life that I would like to weave into the most colorful of tapestries until it’s my time to move on.
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