To, You…Love, Me

To you, the one who held me in your arms: When you looked at me, what did you see? I know you face some terrible demons, but why did I have to suffer through your past; living in the shadow of “the one” who broke your heart, a constant comparison that never lived up to the mark she left on your heart? Was it my body? I can, and am changing that. All I wanted was love and validation…then I might have loved you.

To you, the one working next to me, side by side: What do I have to do for you to see me as someone good enough for you? You confide in me more than the others, and we get along so well. And yet I am not enough. I never seem to measure up. What am I doing wrong to keep you at a distance? If only I were as important to you as you are to yourself…then I might love you.

To “the one who got away”: Why would you lie to me for so long; making me and everyone around me believe that we were made for each other? When you came out, everything inside me–the hope, the self-worth, the love–just crumbled into a mess of nothing. and now I’ll never know what it feels like to live the high school sweetheart romance. Maybe if I paid more attention to you, and not to us…then I might have loved you.

To you, the one staring at me in the mirror: When will you see me as beautiful and confident, and not just a face full of freckles and lips that are too small. Why do you focus on those few grey hairs; or those small boobs; or that “pouch”? I have so much potential and so many opportunities ahead, but you only seem to see the weakness and complacency. Maybe if you stopped and really saw me for me, even for just a second; stopped hiding and just owned it…then I might love you

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