BroadSpeak: The Spanx Predicament

I wish I could film this bit of wrangling going on in the back bathroom stall.  It’s hilarious.

Got a new pair of pants that required wearing my new Spanx as well.  For a smooth and less, shall we say, ripply view.  Poured myself into said pair of Spanx this morning, which sucked in my jiggly bits giving me confidence I could focus on my presentation and not my backside view.

Now fast forward to two hours later and one large Green Juice (24 oz) and Mother Nature calls.  Of course, I’m at work and I have to tell Mother Nature, “hold please.”  I need just a few more minutes to finish a call and do what I need to do.

Now Mother Nature is ringing my bell.  “Warning!  Warning!” “Time is of the essence!!”  So I excuse myself and carefully make my way to the loo.  The “Potty Dance” does not fly at work.

By the time I make it to the back bathroom stall, which as we all know offers the most operating space available, I have already unsnapped my pants to see the shiny gleam of my Spank and recognize that I am on a countdown for when Mother Nature will shout out, “All systems GO!” so I need to get these Spanx down….and FAST!!

Holy shit!  The wiggle alone is worth the price of admission.  Spanx can pull off of a miracle when it comes to sucking in those extra lbs and making them work for you as best as possible.  But when you’re trying to pull those suckers off….it is not a quick process.  This was an epic wiggle and wrangle to get the Spanx down and the ass in place before the flow starts.

I’m telling you….you may not have been there…lol…but it was a damn riot!  I was laughing my ass off and just howling that I made it when low and behold….and this is a pearl I’m giving you here:  The Spanx need to be pulled down past the knees, because if you keep them at your thighs and then sit down, you do not have full operational function…and things will go South very rapidly.  Thank GOD I had one ounce of restraint left in me that bought me two more seconds to get the Spanx down to my ankles before all systems were go.

I am now sitting quietly at my desk, back to my normal calm existence and my thoughts have circled back to this:  We try so hard to put our best foot forward.  The shit we put ourselves through to be our best in life.  A year ago, I would have never thought I’d be standing up in front of a room full of professionals, training them and giving a presentation…but here I am.

Whenever I take myself too seriously, life has a funny way of showing me that I need to loosen up a bit. Yes, I know that in a perfect world, I wouldn’t care one iota what someone else thinks of my backside.  I hope to get there, someday……but I’m not there yet.

And yet… I have come so far from where I was. If today’s Spanx predicament had happened a year ago, I think it may have been too much.  Just enough to send me over the edge in a spiral of frustration, tears and God knows what.  But not today.  Today, I laughed and enjoyed the humor in being uncomfortable and not perfect.  Today, I mentally hugged myself and my imperfections and even if I’m not ready to be on full display to the world, I know that I not only love myself, but I also crack myself up.  It’s a gift. 😉

Broadspeak  #NoShameInMyGame  #TheThingsWeDo

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